Top 5 pet peeves to do with knitting!

Ok, being a knitter, and now a professional knitting teacher, has it's obvious ups and downs... ok, mostly its ups. but it has a fair set of downs... as a guy these can get more or less blown out of proportion most of the time, but these 5 things are constant and unexaggerated. be fair warned, when you meet me on the street and think to yourself, "hmmm... i could do this to get a larf..." be fair warned this is the #1 way to get a knitting needle through your eye, your genital region, or your jugular... be warned.

#5- People who think they have to enlighten me that it is cheaper to buy sweaters, socks, and scarves at H&M.... Famous knitting goddess Stephanie Pearl-McPhee (aka the Yarn Harlot to you muggles) has often made a point of this in one of her hilarious (and i mean friggin' hilarious) stories. i wont go into what she said much, but you get the idea.

Besides, most of the stuff i buy at H&M gets ripped and frogged to make better stuff! an 99.999% of their products dont fit me!

#4- People who feel the need to bulldoze their way through crowded restaurants, public plazas, and sardine-can subways to tell me that thier grandmother knits... 

-i dont give a fuck if your grandmother knits... seriously! If she knits go and oogle and drool over her for hours on end and don't fucking bother me in the middle of my lace project...

#3-" Boys don't knit"-yeah they do... and trust my marine and foot baller friends who knit to treat stress and PTSD. this is the best way to get your ass kicked... or killed if you make them drop a stitch!

#2- people who think that you knit for no reason-hence they think they can "dibs" your project...especially when family members do it!

Because I have a pretty good taste in yarn i will often be working on it and a cousin or friend will come up to me and admire the work. then say... "ooh, this is nice, IT'S MINE!" first off, it probably a commission from a customer. if you want it so bad, GET THE FUCK IN LINE AND PAY UP! Likewise, being from a stereotypically violent Jamaican family, i have gotten into scuff ups with an aunt because she thought my stuff was so unimportant to me that she took my crochet hooks (and a few other things) and gave sent them to Jamaica to be given away to the poor... needless to say it wasn't pretty after that.

One of my customers bought a shawl from me, and called me a month later that his cousin had stolen it and was being a mega bitch about giving it back, she said she wouldn't because it is "not for boys, it is a LADY's thing"... i responded to her by telling her, when she is a lady, she can have one and slam the phone down!

Warning, the last one uses some graphic language, if you are politically correct-and/ or not from the ghetto (like me), then BACK THE FUCK UP NOW!

#1- The biggest pet peeve i have are those high school/ college girls who see me in public and then come up giggling with their Justin Beiber (or who the fuck ever those kids are listening to) and in the giggling stupid, ghetto-bitch-iest way scream out "OHMYGODTHATISSOCUTECANYOUKNITMEAHAT???"

-translated to human from ghetto-nese, they are asking me to make them a hat. 

better yet, when i say no... their stupid grins become stone cold stares... their mouths drop open and they drool on those tacky sandals they all wear in shock... 

then they say,-"ok, can i buy it off of you?"

i say- "NOPE"

Then they say-"AWW...c'mon, i will give you a dolla!"

I tell them-"The Yarn Costs $16 a ball!

Mind you, every time I say no, they get more and more persistently naggy, until i name my price... about $80...down payment. they cock their head to the side and say- "U mad rude, do u know that?" and walk off...

Trust me it feels good to let that last one out.