The Realizations

so, yeah
i have once again been spoken to about my problem with confidentioality and personal info gossip. and yet again i realize that i am talkimng about people.

the binary.

on one end i be leive that i am being seen as a gossip whore and through a mixture of human nature and anger, i reflect this awaty from myself. basically i am blaming others and trying to take them doen with me 9 something i have been doing since childhood).
on the other hand, i am defending my actions, thinking that they are not gossip but merely a relay of information to oters based on my personal eperience.

some other underlying reasons that i use as excuses are:
my age, and the youth thereof is the reason for my own immaturity
my mother, and the example she led for me.
blaming my peers as the cause, or as the instigating matter of the cause
my own poor people skills and tendency of faux pas, and political incorrectness
my in ability of understanding social limits or "the line"
etc...
5-15-09
so ive realized that i am competative, to the point where it in invalidates others!
5-19-2009
i sometimes ride on my high horse and end up hurting others worse than i end up helping,
but when others call me out on it, YET are being rude or abrassive about it, i should take thier advice, but let them know not to be so abbrasive because it is JUST as destructive! and vice versa!
BUT, there are instances where people with rough and generally BITCHY personallities get to me, like when jess did the quiz otunately a lot of the traits fit me so i can see that, i responded by doing the same quiz that she dn 5 biggest pet peeves! and Jessie comments back and i thought they were talking about me, unforid with all of my pet peeves against her on there! i ended up finding one term that describes her: DIsmissive! she invalidates me when she dismissies topics that i bring up because she thinks she knows more than me, or i might not say something that is cool or 100% correct.
so this invalidation is my biggest problem!

SO i went to NYC with katy, what i thought was a good idea turned out to be a clusterfucked nightmare. she wanted to drag me around the city doing everything, and i wanted to be more relaxed and sponateous. so i spent lots of my time fuming over the little shit. then the shrink told me something that made sense, we arent compatible travelers. she is a sheep, a tourist, who wants to take pics, ooh and ahh. i am a traveler, who wants to do that shit, but spontaneously, i dont want to spend my time huddled behind maps. i know what i wanna do, before i get there! she just wanted to go to touristy shit!
maybe, traveling should be done with people i agree with.

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