Mythology and Being Gay, How Real Is It?

Mythology and Being Gay, How Real Is It?

My realizations of how somethings are more real than we believe

     NO, I am not debating the existence of monsters, unless you are talking about politicians... The truth is, for centuries people have been telling stories of monsters and mythical beings. these stories range from enchantment and wonder to sources much more dark and macabre. Hollywood sells us trillions of dollars of stories as entertainment, and even try to make sense of the monster's prospective. But in truth, let us for a second, deconstruct what a monster is. It is a being who is not associated with behavior, appearance  lifestyle, or other ideologies of what being human is. It takes many forms, based on natural things that are misunderstood in our mortal state, the dark, forbidding areas and places like castles (because many were forbidden to common folk for centuries), a fear of places dangerous to humans like the sea, forest, or caves. With the rise of the gay identity, centuries of quiet fears and rumor became basis for violence, slander, and vicious opposition of what people understand about people who are different.
      Cliché as it sounds i started to think of this more philosophically after watching a BBC series called Being Human. A delightful mix of horror and suspense with sunbeams of comedy seeping through. The story follows a dorky werewolf (George), a lovingly excentric ghost (Annie), and a debonaire vampire (Mitchell) as they make sense of coming to terms with being supernateral beings in normal society after they have all lost thier humanity without much choice. Mitchell sacrificed himself to a flock of vampires posing as Officers who were feeding from the near dead post battle during WWI. In exchange for the life of his men, he must sacrifice himself. Annie, was a sweet girl who was caught in a relationship with a very angry and abusive boyfriend and killed in a fight to cover up his illicit affairs. he then pushed her down the stairs and she died in a pool of her own blood. George was on a holiday in Scotland when he was scratched by a werewolf who attacked him and another tourist, while the tourist died, George awoke to a nightmarish existence of being a werewolf. The trio live together in the very house in Bristol where Annie was murdered, and have forged a deep relationship. However, danger in many forms has lurked, from the community, from a psychotic preist, and from all kinds of oddball beings that end up using them for their own needs.
     Astonishingly, Mitchell wants to renounce blood and stop killing, for which he has amassed a reputation. George wishes desperately to denounce his werewolf identity, and have a normal life. However, they can never change who they are, Mitchell is cursed for eternity until he is jabbed though the heart by a stake, or burned. And George is doomed to live out the rest of his life going through monthly transformations. Along their way they meet adversity, in the form of the townsfolk, insane religious fanatics,  and worst of all the fear of themselves. unfortunately as a Gay person this is real shit I encounter all the time. What's the difference?
     I am not going to lie, many members of my gay house are people who come from religious backgrounds and were in pretty desperate areas when i met them... NO, I dont recruit, it's all Baloney anyway. But seriously, in years past (and in many parts of everywhere) danger and misunderstanding is a rampant risk. We the same villagers with torches and pitchforks are now with oversized "Jesus loves you" teeshirts and cell phones.
     As a community people have mantra'd the whole "united we stand" bit, but how many of us really believe it. we fight for our rights but act like monsters to one another.
     What arguments do they make? Biological, spiritual, cultural, historical, and are proved wrong over and over. Yet ignorance and academic hermitage does people in. In the long run their unwillingness to accept change leaves them as out dated as their Nokia phones from the nineties and cold from their cheap nockoff t-shirts.
 

5 -not-so-well-known-ways to go gourmet in Boston for under $10

Ok, we cant all be hipster foodies! You know the ones who live off mommy and daddies dollar and wear the cheap sunglasses. However nice these food fetishizers look, they are missing the picture to some extent. Really cheap and tasty food. Street food is only profitable if its good. And if you are like me and dont want to break the bank you will know where to go to get the stuff to make your food great!

5 Tips from a starving college grad...

5) Want real maple syrup, fancy hymalayan salt, or saffron? Skip the supermarket line and go to Marshalls!- Most of these stores have a food section where bargains can be found at killer prices! I bought a 1oz vial of saffron for $8! Supermarket said 1/16 of an ounce for $16.95= more pallella!

4) Job lot-  if you want quinoa or specialty gluten free flours and dry goods.
you can buy brands like Bob's Red Mill for as low as $2.50 a bag... average savings 60% less than the supermarket, wholefoods, and trader joes!
Stop and Shop Quinoa was $7.99 on sale!

3) Asian supermarkets- not just unique dried things, you can find the freshest fish, meats, and sauces for much less than a food boutique. And some foodie trends that may shock you. The oranges there may look less than beautiful but trust me, often times the fruits are sweeter and more flavorful than the plastic-looking stuff at supermarkets. Oftentimes you can buy the hardware needed for cooking this type of cuisine, such as sushi mats or spider strainers. But be forwarned, do not buy pots, pans, or china sold there, they are often not good quality. Try one of the restaurant supply stores nearby instead for higher quality items at low prices.
My favorites include exotic fruits, giant bags of frozen dumplings, and of course, black-skin chicken anyone?

2) Chinatown- if you want a quick bite, try one of the Banh Mi shops. Delicious and under $5!
My personal favorite is 163 Vietnamese Sandwich shop which is a local favorite for office workers in the area. A standard vietnamese sandwich is filled with meats, sauces, mayo, cilantro, cucumber and home made sweet carrot and raddish pickles and paper thin white onion. The meat can be anything from pork liver pate to tender slow-cooked beef, and even vegetarian chicken (trust me, its my favorite).

Plenty of vegetarian and vegan options offered as well, so ask nicely! At some places you can only get things on certain days, like the roast pork pies on friday from Hing Shing Pastry. These traditional pies are filled with lucious five spice pork and wrapped in a lard pastry. They go on sale from noon til closing one friday and they ALWAYS sell out so come with cash in hand.

Also, try the Big Bun from Coffee House, for $1.85 you can get a bun that would make a Burger King Whopper sweat! Filled with Pork, chinese veggies, a slice of egg, and a small peice of chinese sausage, you can skip the unhealthy processed food and settle into a fresh bun made that day!

1) Food trucks- yeah, they are amazing, and the food is made fresh. Strick safety guidelines make sure of that, plus they mostly advertise by word of mouth and proximity. you can follow them online or on some apps. but usually they are in well crowded areas near office buildings or the common so go early and bring cash.

The Truth About College Textbooks!

If you are going back to school this semester, the bookstore is an expensive deathtrap. Math, Business, Science majors are usually the ones who get zapped by high prices.
Here are some tips to keep costs down

1) Buy used!- Make friends with upperclassmen who can sell you their old books, check on the used sale prices beforehand to make sure you are getting a good deal. Buy on Amazon or other used book sites. These books fly first.
2) If you have to buy a workbook, sometimes the school will make copies available in the library. make copies of your assigned work for the next 4-6 weeks!
3) the library may have a copy on file for students who really cant afford it, ask professors and library techs. Do be warned, you can have a wait or a 1-3 hour limit to check it out and those can carry steep fines for late materials! plan accordingly.
4) Borrow- make good friends with upperclassmen. Return it, and send thank you cards and presents when you return it in GOOD condition.
5) If you are an upperclassman, make sure you lend to a student who you know well and can give you your book back. If its a very valuable book, ask for collateral, something important that they will need back eventually.
6) Sorry but some fields use the same editions or similar editions for years, but before you buy a used edition ask your professor if it will work.
7) you buy a $60 text book and your professor uses it only once in the class. (I had a prof use it for literally one paragraph of the $130 book for the entire semester!) If your professor does this, write a nice email and politely voice your dissatisfaction after you get your grade! Ask upperclassmen in the department about the professor's usage of the book, if they say it is not used much, use a library copy and book it ASAP. CC or BCC your department chair and dean in correspondence and follow up. some professors are negligent and don't care, but it is not the norm.
8) If you have the same professor for multiple classes, such as education classes. ( i had a professor who taught orchestra, music education, and instrument methods classes. I used the book regularly. and i still have them as valuable references for my profession.
9) I had a professor who wanted us to make a binder of readings for $40, i used it NONSTOP and it was a great investment. If you can, read them on your computer or e reader. this professor prohibited phones and e-readers because the material wasn't suited to be read on ipad or other e readers. also, the losers in the back play video games.
10) If your professor required you to read something and didn't give you a handout, you are responsible to get it. speak to the prof, or a library tech about your options on getting the material.
11) Sell back- sell it on Amazon or Ebay. selling to the bookstore wont get you a fair resale price.

The Most Derogatory Word In Jamaican Patois.

Unnu. (Jamaican Patois. OO-NUH- A colloquial term for "you all". Similar to Southern "Y'all" and Cajun French "Vous Autres"). It doesn't seem like much of a term. To non-Jamaicans, it sounds like a made up word. But who would believe that four letters could be the most demeaning term in the Jamaican lexicon?
In fits of rage my family screams at me when my brother, myself, or the both of us fail to live to their (mostly unrealistic) expectations. this can stem from laziness, not getting a job that they want me to get, and not dating women (my brother is straight and has not met a girl yet). This word is so offensive, because it disregards my efforts in college, my efforts to find good jobs, my efforts to try new things (which, most of the time the disapprove of)
The reason it is really so offensive to me, is because it represents dehumanization. It takes away my personal achievements and associates me with the negative things i am being accused of.
It's stronger than most people would think.

Juries, Public School Music Programs, and Being Hired In a Shrinking Field.

Juries. The single most terrifying time of the semester for most music students. My professors would take us in by instrument grouping. Percussion, brass, the one string student, a million guitar and bassists, pianists, woodwinds, and singers. To those of us performing, it was like being let into the lions den or to slaughter in the colosseum. Many of the faculty were accomplished pianists or guitarists and our talent pool never failed, so they mostly were the obvious choice. One semester a trumpet player won, a few semesters in a row a vocalist would win. One year it was close when Willie (the doubling Euphonium and Trombone player) came in second, but he couldn't beat the pianist from Oberlin Conservatory- which is in the top 5 conservatories in the world.

Public school music programs are not all the same. I went to a state school so we were nearer to the bottom of the barrel when it came to cost of attendance v. funding. My program was tiny, about 30 students until my final year when it jumped to 60. I always would meet people who were coming back to school for licenses or to get a second bachelors. All in all, the main factor for their decision was cost. The flagship campus had the best instruments and the best opportunities, but cost $8-10K MORE than my school in fees alone!

In the final two years of school I dubbed the program the "Conservatory Refugee Assistance Program"; no need to tell you what i really felt about my school. But in honesty I was working with Faculty who taught in some of the best and most expensive schools in Massachusetts. These prestigious schools included MIT, Harvard, New England Conservatory, and Berklee College of Music. One Professor even had five Degrees! Many of the other branches in the U Mass System had better funded music programs with severe runaway budgets, but we had the talent.
Many of our incoming or transfer students were accepted into top schools and ended up in my school because of cost. Some ran out of funding and had to give it up all together.

Paying for college is getting harder and harder and many public schools are accepting some high level applicants. This can raise the bar considerably and competition is a brutal, but effective teacher. Many of us saw films like "Black Swan" and "The Hunger Games" and could draw a paradigm between the fantasy and our realities. Music scholarships, competitions, and auditions are the real Hunger Games; some musicians do live a hand to mouth existence.

In my final semester, Oberlin Guy won the jury and a check for $2,700 in scholarship money, Willie got honorable mention and tickets to see the BSO, and I came in runner up for both, but was given a set of tickets to a really memorable performance of Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet. My competition was steep. I had grown so much and worked through a few panic attacks that semester, not to mention the burning calluses from hours of practice. I later learned from Der Professor (my favorite professor, who used to call us "dear students" but it rather sounded like "der schtudents", hence i refer to him as "der professor") that i was in the top 10 for one of the eight- $2,000 scholarships and a top seat. Juries are set up to not only assess your abilities and growth, but they all light a fire under your ass that brings the reality of music school into perspective into play.

As for Oberlin Guy, he is 15 years my senior and has been playing professionally for 10 years. I would have to practice more than my meager 3 hours a day to beat him. However, Boston is home to Berklee, New England Conservatory, Longy, Boston Conservatory, and the relatively new kid, Boston University (which recently saw one of its graduate students win a position with the Boston Symphony Orchestra). Competition in the arts is high, not to mention if you live in Boston and you are competing against students from the aforementioned schools, students from schools around the country, and around the world.

In my internship in Boston Public Schools, I happened to be there during some of the interview and screenings. It boiled down to three points,
1) Schooling- where you went and how high you've achieved).
2) Professional Gigs- What orchestras, bands, and teaching positions you've had- we had teachers who worked with the Boston Symphony, Boston Philharmonic, would take a week off and do a miniature tour during the school year, and ran the elite programs at New England Conservatory.
3) Marketability- would you be able to entice students and talent from around the city, the country, or even the world? We had a parent send in a brochure and DVD of their kid playing because they wanted to him to study with one of the guitar teachers. They also wanted to uproot their lives in a quiet suburb to move to inner-city Boston. No joke, these teachers can make or break a program. And no, the kid didn't get in.

Having a degree from a school with a good title, reputation, or alum list is a big thing in the music industry and music education is no different. So while in school use your juries and experiences to your advantage because it could be a hefty notch in your belt for your future career.

The Church Band-The Good Old Days?

Seated around the small music office of the arts high school where i completed my student teaching, a chorus teacher, a piano teacher, a Berklee educated Jazz teacher, and me -the intern, the discussion was abuzz about student's weekend performance obligations.

"Many of our students perform here as well as at their local churches on the weekends",  pronounced a the young choral teacher. "I know a few from my own church, many have received their first musical acclaim in the churches. There was a murmur of agreement amongst the men at the table. One by one each mentioned their church bands and programs and their respective denominations. AME, Baptist, Pentecostal, Church of Christ and myself being the only Seventh Day Adventist. Many took interest and commented on how famous the Adventist music programs are.

I explained that my church had three choirs, a professional band (some of the members were paid- I was unfortunately not amongst them), two part-time organists, a full praise and worship crew, a sign language praise team, and a drum corp for the young people. All were in awe of the sheer size of the music program. The chorus teacher explained that he was in charge of the 75 piece choir at his church, but had never heard of churches with three large choirs- each of which averaged at about 50-75 members!

While it is still a painful and sensitive subject, of why I left, I sometimes look back with relish at those days. In fact, at the time I left the church the band had three keyboardists, 2 percussionists, 2 bass players, one full-time and one part-time organist, a saxophonist, and myself covering flute, clarinet, various saxophones, and trumpet.

I had tried out for the drum corps which at the time consisted of a crappy Bass drum, a tri-tom, and an old fashioned snare drum and a couple cymbals that my uncle had bought. But as always the drama monster showed its ugly head and I was pushed out. I was even given private practice time on the instruments, but that proved problematic because the other members of the corps would return from lunch and kick me out.

As a church musician I was on the rotation schedule. Sabbath school was a class that started together in the sanctuary at 10am and ran through to 11am. Divine Hour was from 11:30 to about 2:30. followed by lunch and a rest period, then AYS (Adventist Youth Services) would come in the evening. I originally began at Divine Hour which had many features I could cater to. Some pieces I would use the clarinet, baby christenings were accompanied the flute playing the Adventist hymn "Lead Them My God, To Thee", in a similar fashion the offertory would be serenaded by what ever instrument the praise team wished for. The crowning end of the service always ended with "We Have This Hope" which I would fanfare with the trumpet. AYS was free territory to play the saxophone which i projected over the blast of the band.

Pathfinder Sabbaths were a special treat for all! The pathfinders would march in to the loud cadences of the drum corps with military precision. It was very special and unique to the faith. However, as I stood there, I felt like I died a little inside.

To this day the sound of drums (particularly the sound of the quad or multi-tom drum) brings a tear to my eye and a knot to my stomach. Its not only because of the failed attempts to join the drum corp (I tried dozens of times) but the truth about being a gay and closeted Adventist youth. Being singled out for attacks by the other youth. I was also plain, I didn't have fancy clothes and dress sharply like the others. I was chubby as a teen, and I was different and boy did I stick out.

Gender stereotyping was common place in the church and still is. I failed to join the drum corps so the only other competition groups open to me at camporee events were basketball, volleyball (my church didn't have a team) and pinewood derby (I wasn't as interested, but we won first place). The only other group I wanted to join is fancy drill. Which under the conference guidelines was open to boys and girls. However my church refused to let me do it. I thought I was being ostracized for being bad at the drums (yet I was so well loved in the church service), but it was far more serious!

One sabbath, a visiting pastor came to the church. I have always been skeptical of those who promoted that the holy spirit could point one to a sinner. He placed a question box in the back of the sanctuary during sabbath school which he would use to host a question and answer service during AYS that evening. Someone had slipped in the following question, "I think I am a Homosexual, is there any way God can fix me?" The youth in the audience were in a frenzy, looking for me to push to the front. I had felt an urge to sit in a completely different area that night and no one seemed to be able to find me, even though I was right in front of them. I sank in my seat as a firestorm ensued- I had been set up!

Since then, my relationship with the youth deteriorated. No matter of the things the other youth did (wearing makeup, sex, drinking, smoking, parties and makeup- all banned or curtailed by the church), I would continue to be the black sheep of the crowd.
In my first year of college, I just disappeared from the church, unable to deal with their ridicule. yet I was still called and asked to come back to play for the church. I never accepted the invitation. But I responded to their request to return the church's instruments.

Years later, I sat in a theater near Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts. In the audience were LGBTQA people who all had one common story; they were all Seventh Day Adventists. As the light flickered on, and my leg had fallen numb from the cramped quarters, I noticed a tear in the corner of my eye. I finally were among people who understood me because they all had felt that way before. I had met the Seventh Gay Adventists. I knew immediately that the people in that very room in some way, shape, or form could relate to the pain and loneliness of losing their faith. Being an Adventist is nothing like being any other faith. A kinship of culture that has different local flavors but is in essence the same.

When one of the teachers at the table asked me, "why did you leave the church?", all I could respond with was-"because they didn't pay."

Don't Laugh at PTSD!

I've never been in the armed services but one thing that many vets and I have in common is that we suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is something that non sufferers aren't always aware of. In my experience, PTSD manifests itself in different ways, for me it is jitters, heavy breathing, cold sweats, nausea followed by a sensation that i can only explain as my stomach wanting to turn itself inside out. For some of my friends it is different, it can include anything from heavy breathing to angry outbursts. Triggers most commonly come from people coming up behind me, being startled, hearing loud noises or angry shouting, and even from hearing the vacuum cleaner whizzing away downstairs!
The reason I have gotten on my soapbox today is because of an event last night when a friend spooked me and triggered my PTSD, it was a mild attack, and even though my friend was being sweet, i had to explain to him that it triggers my PTSD and it is not cool to do that, he was sweet. But another friend made snarky comments saying that I was being a "drama queen". PTSD isn't about attention, it is something that must really be taken with a degree of seriousness! While I am not as physically aggressive, all i could think of was if it was someone else, like one of my friends from school!

The Vets center at UMB is currently located in an office on the third floor. The room has two entrances, but because seating is near the second entrance we have a divider curtain an sign telling people not to enter or remove the divider under any circumstance except for emergency. Going to a public school, we get several veterans returning on the GI bill and even the 9/11 bill. so in many classrooms it is common for the vets to sit in a line against the back wall of a classroom.

From time to time in the student centers or the classroom, we will have an incident. A few years ago, because of a silly student coming up behind her friend, who is a Marine Sergeant and a student, we had a small incident that involved yelling and some broken furniture, but thankfully no one was hurt! Many of our vets are often first responders to incidents on campus, when a student attempted suicide from the 3rd floor balcony in Fall of 2012, one of our own vets sprang into action! When PTSD triggers set off one of our students, the other vets will clear the area and may attempt to calm the student down or let the student burn out, such instances are rare and the absolute extreme. Still, with the rising numbers of our men and women coming home, PTSD awareness is a necessity and a civic responsibility we cant overlook!
I've included a list of symptoms taken from the National Institute for Mental Health (2013) below.

PTSD can cause many symptoms. These symptoms can be grouped into three categories:

1. Re-experiencing symptoms:

• Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating
• Bad dreams
• Frightening thoughts.

Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. They can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing.

2. Avoidance symptoms:

• Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience
• Feeling emotionally numb
• Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry
• Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past
• Having trouble remembering the dangerous event.

Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car.

3. Hyperarousal symptoms:

• Being easily startled
• Feeling tense or “on edge”
• Having difficulty sleeping, and/or having angry outbursts.

Hyperarousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic event. They can make the person feel stressed and angry. These symptoms may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.

It’s natural to have some of these symptoms after a dangerous event. Sometimes people have very serious symptoms that go away after a few weeks. This is called acute stress disorder, or ASD. When the symptoms last more than a few weeks and become an ongoing problem, they might be PTSD. Some people with PTSD don’t show any symptoms for weeks or months.

Please visit NIMH.NIH. GOV for more resources and information