The Church Band-The Good Old Days?

Seated around the small music office of the arts high school where i completed my student teaching, a chorus teacher, a piano teacher, a Berklee educated Jazz teacher, and me -the intern, the discussion was abuzz about student's weekend performance obligations.

"Many of our students perform here as well as at their local churches on the weekends",  pronounced a the young choral teacher. "I know a few from my own church, many have received their first musical acclaim in the churches. There was a murmur of agreement amongst the men at the table. One by one each mentioned their church bands and programs and their respective denominations. AME, Baptist, Pentecostal, Church of Christ and myself being the only Seventh Day Adventist. Many took interest and commented on how famous the Adventist music programs are.

I explained that my church had three choirs, a professional band (some of the members were paid- I was unfortunately not amongst them), two part-time organists, a full praise and worship crew, a sign language praise team, and a drum corp for the young people. All were in awe of the sheer size of the music program. The chorus teacher explained that he was in charge of the 75 piece choir at his church, but had never heard of churches with three large choirs- each of which averaged at about 50-75 members!

While it is still a painful and sensitive subject, of why I left, I sometimes look back with relish at those days. In fact, at the time I left the church the band had three keyboardists, 2 percussionists, 2 bass players, one full-time and one part-time organist, a saxophonist, and myself covering flute, clarinet, various saxophones, and trumpet.

I had tried out for the drum corps which at the time consisted of a crappy Bass drum, a tri-tom, and an old fashioned snare drum and a couple cymbals that my uncle had bought. But as always the drama monster showed its ugly head and I was pushed out. I was even given private practice time on the instruments, but that proved problematic because the other members of the corps would return from lunch and kick me out.

As a church musician I was on the rotation schedule. Sabbath school was a class that started together in the sanctuary at 10am and ran through to 11am. Divine Hour was from 11:30 to about 2:30. followed by lunch and a rest period, then AYS (Adventist Youth Services) would come in the evening. I originally began at Divine Hour which had many features I could cater to. Some pieces I would use the clarinet, baby christenings were accompanied the flute playing the Adventist hymn "Lead Them My God, To Thee", in a similar fashion the offertory would be serenaded by what ever instrument the praise team wished for. The crowning end of the service always ended with "We Have This Hope" which I would fanfare with the trumpet. AYS was free territory to play the saxophone which i projected over the blast of the band.

Pathfinder Sabbaths were a special treat for all! The pathfinders would march in to the loud cadences of the drum corps with military precision. It was very special and unique to the faith. However, as I stood there, I felt like I died a little inside.

To this day the sound of drums (particularly the sound of the quad or multi-tom drum) brings a tear to my eye and a knot to my stomach. Its not only because of the failed attempts to join the drum corp (I tried dozens of times) but the truth about being a gay and closeted Adventist youth. Being singled out for attacks by the other youth. I was also plain, I didn't have fancy clothes and dress sharply like the others. I was chubby as a teen, and I was different and boy did I stick out.

Gender stereotyping was common place in the church and still is. I failed to join the drum corps so the only other competition groups open to me at camporee events were basketball, volleyball (my church didn't have a team) and pinewood derby (I wasn't as interested, but we won first place). The only other group I wanted to join is fancy drill. Which under the conference guidelines was open to boys and girls. However my church refused to let me do it. I thought I was being ostracized for being bad at the drums (yet I was so well loved in the church service), but it was far more serious!

One sabbath, a visiting pastor came to the church. I have always been skeptical of those who promoted that the holy spirit could point one to a sinner. He placed a question box in the back of the sanctuary during sabbath school which he would use to host a question and answer service during AYS that evening. Someone had slipped in the following question, "I think I am a Homosexual, is there any way God can fix me?" The youth in the audience were in a frenzy, looking for me to push to the front. I had felt an urge to sit in a completely different area that night and no one seemed to be able to find me, even though I was right in front of them. I sank in my seat as a firestorm ensued- I had been set up!

Since then, my relationship with the youth deteriorated. No matter of the things the other youth did (wearing makeup, sex, drinking, smoking, parties and makeup- all banned or curtailed by the church), I would continue to be the black sheep of the crowd.
In my first year of college, I just disappeared from the church, unable to deal with their ridicule. yet I was still called and asked to come back to play for the church. I never accepted the invitation. But I responded to their request to return the church's instruments.

Years later, I sat in a theater near Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts. In the audience were LGBTQA people who all had one common story; they were all Seventh Day Adventists. As the light flickered on, and my leg had fallen numb from the cramped quarters, I noticed a tear in the corner of my eye. I finally were among people who understood me because they all had felt that way before. I had met the Seventh Gay Adventists. I knew immediately that the people in that very room in some way, shape, or form could relate to the pain and loneliness of losing their faith. Being an Adventist is nothing like being any other faith. A kinship of culture that has different local flavors but is in essence the same.

When one of the teachers at the table asked me, "why did you leave the church?", all I could respond with was-"because they didn't pay."

Don't Laugh at PTSD!

I've never been in the armed services but one thing that many vets and I have in common is that we suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is something that non sufferers aren't always aware of. In my experience, PTSD manifests itself in different ways, for me it is jitters, heavy breathing, cold sweats, nausea followed by a sensation that i can only explain as my stomach wanting to turn itself inside out. For some of my friends it is different, it can include anything from heavy breathing to angry outbursts. Triggers most commonly come from people coming up behind me, being startled, hearing loud noises or angry shouting, and even from hearing the vacuum cleaner whizzing away downstairs!
The reason I have gotten on my soapbox today is because of an event last night when a friend spooked me and triggered my PTSD, it was a mild attack, and even though my friend was being sweet, i had to explain to him that it triggers my PTSD and it is not cool to do that, he was sweet. But another friend made snarky comments saying that I was being a "drama queen". PTSD isn't about attention, it is something that must really be taken with a degree of seriousness! While I am not as physically aggressive, all i could think of was if it was someone else, like one of my friends from school!

The Vets center at UMB is currently located in an office on the third floor. The room has two entrances, but because seating is near the second entrance we have a divider curtain an sign telling people not to enter or remove the divider under any circumstance except for emergency. Going to a public school, we get several veterans returning on the GI bill and even the 9/11 bill. so in many classrooms it is common for the vets to sit in a line against the back wall of a classroom.

From time to time in the student centers or the classroom, we will have an incident. A few years ago, because of a silly student coming up behind her friend, who is a Marine Sergeant and a student, we had a small incident that involved yelling and some broken furniture, but thankfully no one was hurt! Many of our vets are often first responders to incidents on campus, when a student attempted suicide from the 3rd floor balcony in Fall of 2012, one of our own vets sprang into action! When PTSD triggers set off one of our students, the other vets will clear the area and may attempt to calm the student down or let the student burn out, such instances are rare and the absolute extreme. Still, with the rising numbers of our men and women coming home, PTSD awareness is a necessity and a civic responsibility we cant overlook!
I've included a list of symptoms taken from the National Institute for Mental Health (2013) below.

PTSD can cause many symptoms. These symptoms can be grouped into three categories:

1. Re-experiencing symptoms:

• Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating
• Bad dreams
• Frightening thoughts.

Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. They can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing.

2. Avoidance symptoms:

• Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience
• Feeling emotionally numb
• Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry
• Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past
• Having trouble remembering the dangerous event.

Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car.

3. Hyperarousal symptoms:

• Being easily startled
• Feeling tense or “on edge”
• Having difficulty sleeping, and/or having angry outbursts.

Hyperarousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic event. They can make the person feel stressed and angry. These symptoms may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.

It’s natural to have some of these symptoms after a dangerous event. Sometimes people have very serious symptoms that go away after a few weeks. This is called acute stress disorder, or ASD. When the symptoms last more than a few weeks and become an ongoing problem, they might be PTSD. Some people with PTSD don’t show any symptoms for weeks or months.

Please visit NIMH.NIH. GOV for more resources and information

Men's East Coast Spring Knitting Retreat 2013

A truly wonderful thing is Men's Knitting, so how do you make it better? Create a male space where we can knit openly and proudly and learn from others! HELL YEAH!

Men's Knitting Retreats are an inclusive space for men who enjoy knitting, crochet, spinning, weaving, and other fiber arts crafts. These retreats not only support the education, study, and practice of these cottage arts, they help to end stigma against male knitters. These retreats support and promote local businesses and fiber companies as well. Every year the retreat is made possible by the generous donations of the local businesses and companies as well as the men who attend! This year, because of the generous support of the participants of last year's attendees, three scholarships were available for the following categories, New knitters, not-so-new knitters, and experts.

This year I traveled to easton with Alasdair Post-Quinn. He is an up and coming designer in the knitting community and men's knitting circles. I will say, what Bach was to the fugue, Alasdair is to Double knitting. His newest design, 52 pickup, is an intriguing double knit scarf made of 52 double knitted panels, for which there are more combinations for the panels than there are atoms in our known universe... makes card counting look easy! That means if the scarves are made at random, like intended, all scarves are completely unique. Alasdair also showed off samples of quilted double knitting, micro double knitting, and even double knitted lace. All using his patented techniques.

This is my second trip to MSKR, my last being in 2010 when i went as a volunteer and teacher! I was so blessed to win one of three scholarships to attend this year! We had two new knitters and myself as winners which was great, it is always nice to work with eager learners because many of them love the lavish attention and gifts (i brought glow in the dark crochet hooks for the new knitter's swag bags!).

It was great to be back at Easton after two years. While Easton changes, i never forget the wonder of this very special place. I met many old friends and made several new ones! My roommates all snore, which was actually awesome because i am always freaking out that my snoring will wake people up.

Interestingly enough, I was shacked up in room 8 with another winner, Jaye who is a newbie knitter and Barry who was on the scholarship committee, and it was a blast! But one thing about room 8 is that the boys at Easton think it is haunted! although that door is quite tricky.

So this year I did not have as many projects to show off, because my mom is sick, so everything is going to her. I did however have two shawls, a wine bottle cozy in tunisian crochet entrelac, and my kickass kilt hose. but what i am really proud of was an entrelac cube that i knit over the weekend.

you can see links to the pattern here:
I also was really fortunate to get into the shawl blocking class, which incidentally i got into the first time round, but i was able to block my Queen of the Canopies shawl, affectionately known of as Shawlzilla. While the shawl took me nearly a year to complete (60% of that time was the edging alone), i finally got it done and blocked. never would have thought to strap it into a frame like that.

In comparison, Vince made the same shawl without a lace border and it was absolutely gorgeous! You can see both of the shawls on Van Waffle's Blog, the link is below!

Scholarships like mine are made through the generous support of the men who attend the retreats, the next men's knitting retreat is in July in the Allenspark, CO.  Give generously to keep these retreats alive!

Check out Alasdair Post- Quinn's Blog
Van Waffle's Blog
Men's Knitting Retreats website

Boston Landmark Windsor Button Closes

Tomorrow is the last day of Windsor Button at 7pm this Boston icon will no longer exist.

My favorite yarn shop is closing because of a lease issue with the land lord (he wants to turn it into a restaurant). SO a Boston institution and flagship store that has been there for more than 75 years is closing (long after its other branches had closed). Everything in the store is 50-70% off. vintage goodies, expensive luxury materials, and other treasures are being liquidated.

Windsor Button has been a landmark in historic downtown Boston for 77 years! The store was an example of the old timed yarn shop with people working the button counter, material cut to order, and endless selection (literally). So far there are no plans to re-open. The owners, Susan and Stanley Baker,  have looked into other locations in Downtown, but nothing is big enough or in their price range.
(Boston Business Journal, Feb 14, 2013)\

WGBH has even devoted a story to this shop here:

Like Cheers, this place was a place that everyone actually knew my name, i would come in once a week to buy products for my knitting and competition stuff. Susan's advice was always very welcome, she has an excellent sense of color and a wealth of knowledge of the material she stocks. It was a place i could buy $2 red heart and $200 cashmere, bison, merino, silk, and rumored even Quiviut!!!

Also, sadly Minds Eye Yarns in Porter Square is going to close as well.  while it is not for a similar reason as WIndsor, it is sad to see the yarn shop go! Also the owner of Mind's Eye is  a veteran of my profession, Music Education, so I try to go by her shop once in a while, but an an hour-long train ride is often prohibitive for me.

Acrylic is NO substitution for a gentle merino, a smooth-shiny silk, a feathery light alpaca, or a luscious cashmere. So please SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL YARN SHOP!

Do what i did, and save your pennies, sell bottles, and make friends with the people who work there. because we all depend on each other!


My prayers are with the Baker family and their employees who will now have to restart from bottom!

Sources:
http://www.bizjournals.com/boston/news/2013/02/14/windsor-button-closing-its-doors.html?page=all

http://www.wgbh.org/programs/Greater-Boston-11/episodes/March-13-2013-Windsor-Button-Store-44601

10 Things The New and Veteran Lace Knitter Should Do For Total Lace Success!

1) choose a spongy yarn, it will give the garment a good feel against the skin. (i sometimes use Mountain Colors yarn because it is fairly consistent. 
2) watch your tension, the purl rows can be tighter than knit rows so you can pucker stitches, leading to inconsistencies in leaning stitches especially. remember lace “breathes” so it will need to be elastic in order to block beautifully. 
3) use sharp tips to twist the yarn as little as possible. 
4) thread salvage rows every once in a while so if you need to rip back you wont disturb other rows by repairing dropped stitches, pick up first with a smaller needle and transfer them to a larger one to prevent puckering. 
5) choose a lighter color so you can see your stitches in full glory. 
6) buy at least 25% more material than you need. discontinued and bargain yarns can be bought in bulk! it saves you from having to find another ball. 
7) a tip from Jane Sowerby, Choose a Yarn that is a little bit nicer than what you use and a pattern that is a little beneath you for your first project. 
8) Swatch, Swatch, SWATCH!!! you dont know how some more finicky stitches will react. And you can work out complex stitches and motifs without wearing out your material. (this is good for lace pieces in the round, or with borders that you add after you knit the piece). 
9) Take a lesson from sock making and study the cast-ons and bind-offs for stretchy socks. they might look a little frilly on the finished work but give it a wonderful edge when blocked (remember, lace is supposed to be stretched out, thats why a gauge isn’t often included in the pattern) 
10) if you are adventurous, choose a harder pattern, but make sure it is one that is tried and tested. If a lot of people have done it, you can see more ideas for the material, size, blocking method, and even some changes and additions people make to the pattern. Ask questions of the people who made the piece and enjoy the process. Some lace knitters have patterns that focus on a similar design elements so you can see different variations on the same theme.

I knit a lot of lace for my clients every year, so i know a few things. i also do one major summer project in order to hone my skills and i hope to enter competitions with them soon!

It was suggested that i publish this here, this is a post i wrote in a Ravelry Message board that people really enjoyed reading!

Top 5 pet peeves to do with knitting!

Ok, being a knitter, and now a professional knitting teacher, has it's obvious ups and downs... ok, mostly its ups. but it has a fair set of downs... as a guy these can get more or less blown out of proportion most of the time, but these 5 things are constant and unexaggerated. be fair warned, when you meet me on the street and think to yourself, "hmmm... i could do this to get a larf..." be fair warned this is the #1 way to get a knitting needle through your eye, your genital region, or your jugular... be warned.

#5- People who think they have to enlighten me that it is cheaper to buy sweaters, socks, and scarves at H&M.... Famous knitting goddess Stephanie Pearl-McPhee (aka the Yarn Harlot to you muggles) has often made a point of this in one of her hilarious (and i mean friggin' hilarious) stories. i wont go into what she said much, but you get the idea.

Besides, most of the stuff i buy at H&M gets ripped and frogged to make better stuff! an 99.999% of their products dont fit me!

#4- People who feel the need to bulldoze their way through crowded restaurants, public plazas, and sardine-can subways to tell me that thier grandmother knits... 

-i dont give a fuck if your grandmother knits... seriously! If she knits go and oogle and drool over her for hours on end and don't fucking bother me in the middle of my lace project...

#3-" Boys don't knit"-yeah they do... and trust my marine and foot baller friends who knit to treat stress and PTSD. this is the best way to get your ass kicked... or killed if you make them drop a stitch!

#2- people who think that you knit for no reason-hence they think they can "dibs" your project...especially when family members do it!

Because I have a pretty good taste in yarn i will often be working on it and a cousin or friend will come up to me and admire the work. then say... "ooh, this is nice, IT'S MINE!" first off, it probably a commission from a customer. if you want it so bad, GET THE FUCK IN LINE AND PAY UP! Likewise, being from a stereotypically violent Jamaican family, i have gotten into scuff ups with an aunt because she thought my stuff was so unimportant to me that she took my crochet hooks (and a few other things) and gave sent them to Jamaica to be given away to the poor... needless to say it wasn't pretty after that.

One of my customers bought a shawl from me, and called me a month later that his cousin had stolen it and was being a mega bitch about giving it back, she said she wouldn't because it is "not for boys, it is a LADY's thing"... i responded to her by telling her, when she is a lady, she can have one and slam the phone down!

Warning, the last one uses some graphic language, if you are politically correct-and/ or not from the ghetto (like me), then BACK THE FUCK UP NOW!

#1- The biggest pet peeve i have are those high school/ college girls who see me in public and then come up giggling with their Justin Beiber (or who the fuck ever those kids are listening to) and in the giggling stupid, ghetto-bitch-iest way scream out "OHMYGODTHATISSOCUTECANYOUKNITMEAHAT???"

-translated to human from ghetto-nese, they are asking me to make them a hat. 

better yet, when i say no... their stupid grins become stone cold stares... their mouths drop open and they drool on those tacky sandals they all wear in shock... 

then they say,-"ok, can i buy it off of you?"

i say- "NOPE"

Then they say-"AWW...c'mon, i will give you a dolla!"

I tell them-"The Yarn Costs $16 a ball!

Mind you, every time I say no, they get more and more persistently naggy, until i name my price... about $80...down payment. they cock their head to the side and say- "U mad rude, do u know that?" and walk off...

Trust me it feels good to let that last one out.

July, 8th and all is well!

7/8- so its been a while, i've finished the shawl, i've decided to only do what was charted in the pattern and no repeats.
i've begun knitting the border, i've chosen the Perfect leaf lace chart, which is knit on with a smart fagoted edge which (is not just stylish) but is strong and elastic enough to allow the shawl not to pucker too much while blocking. The method is just as important as the madness, I am working using a method i learned here.